Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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