just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
