It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
They are going to name an STD after you.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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