Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
