There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
