haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
