either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Semen is not good for contacts.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
