take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
