so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
My dick has a subreddit
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
