I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
