I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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