Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize