Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
