some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just had sex on a roof
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
