nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
