I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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