I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize