phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Randomize
