You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
