Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
