it was like his penis was on wheels.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
