Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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