It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
