check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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