Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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