I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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