dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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