I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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