Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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