I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
