I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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