Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
