I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
