I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
