yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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