The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
