hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
