Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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