Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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