i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
