forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
