Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
