Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize