Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
