shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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