his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
no more duck duck goose at the bar
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
