im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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