I got chris browned last night
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Still dying that you shit outside
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
