If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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