I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Randomize
