i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
