apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
