But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
