What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize