i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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