nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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