You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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