So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
