Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
