turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
