Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
