I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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