Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
