If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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