I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize